Scientist Shocks the World

A world renown physicist shocked the world today with his announcement that some things in our reality now, are actually quite different from the reality we remember. There is a reason for that, the reality we remember existed on a different dimensional plane, and therefore was a different reality all together. Many people call this phenomenon the Mandela effect, as some people remember Nelson Mandela dying in prison in the 80’s. Howard Long said in his announcement to the world today:

Many of you claim to be experiencing a different actuality in the present moment than your experience in memories of the past, calling it the Mandela effect. I am here now to tell you that what you are experiencing is in fact real, and is called Dimensional Shift Phenomena, or DSP. At this point in time there is nothing that you need to worry about. In the reality that we lived in that you may remember, there were in fact only four people riding in John F. Kennedy’s car when he was assassinated, the Monopoly man did have a monocle, Darth Vader did say “Luke, I am your father,” the queen in Snow White did say “mirror, mirror on the wall,” E.T. did say “phone home,” and Sinbad actually was in a movie in the 90’s where he played a genie. Popular music also sounded pretty good too, if you remember that from the 90’s, of course all of that has changed. A lot of you are even experiencing your own personal DSP. What you remember from your past is true. The reason so many little details are different now is because we tried to open up a door to another dimension in late January of 2009. Though we were unsuccessful in our attempt, we did push our planet into a different dimension that we call the, “let’s try it the other way” plane, where as you can see in many of the movies you remember the writer or director chose to use the second option over the first and better option that most of us remember. Of course back in that existence Trump isn’t the president because the democrats didn’t even utter the phrase, let’s try it the other way, resulting in Hilary running rather than Sanders. Actually I’ve heard that back in the original-tiginal dimension, as we call it, Smokey is the bear and things are going very well for America in general. Neither Miley Cyrus nor Disney exist, everybody has plenty, and they invented the hover board, which I hear is awesome. The good news is that in this dimension we still have cocaine, and strippers still do that thing with their feet, if you pay them enough. We are working very hard however to push earth back to the original-tiginal dimension, though we may just push ourselves farther out, or in, depending on your understanding of the time-space continuum. Until we get back there though, you will notice things differently from what you remember as being. If we push ourselves farther away, things will start to get even more weird, so be prepared. I hear we may even have Sylvester Stallone as president, which would be pretty sweet. So just start to embrace the weird as sweet, and you’ll be okay. And remember, be excellent to each other.

Howard Long is expected back at CERN tomorrow in Geneva to fire up the super collider to try to push us back to our original dimension, but where we will go next is anybody’s guess.