Welcome to Sleeper Cells.

Why are you called Sleeper Cells? Because as white Christian men in America, we’re persecuted to the point where we have to hide. Most of our writers use aliases. So we are in America, hidden, sleeping, waiting, to be let out of our cells.

Can I write for you? We have very stringent requirements in regards to writing and proofreading ability, but your welcome to apply. 

Is this outlet a Republican or Democratic paper? We support the American Republic and believe in Democracy. We’re both.

Aren’t you owned by the same people that own The Fifth Column? Yes, but we called that hippie on his own stuff and made him give us a place to write for real Americans. We also kidnapped his dog.

Can we republish your content? We don’t know. Can you?

Is this satirical? I don’t know what that means.

  1. the use of humor, irony, exaggeration, or ridicule to expose and criticize people’s stupidity or vices, particularly in the context of contemporary politics and other topical issues.

You think we’re funny? Like we’re here to amuse you?