Philadelphia’s Wild Celebration

After defeating the Minnesota Vikings 38-7 to win the NFC Championship, fans of the Philadelphia Eagles took to the streets in celebration. In preparation for any craziness on the streets of Philly after the game, Philadelphia police greased all of the light posts hoping to prevent people from climbing them. Though their efforts were noble, they just proved to make a game out of climbing them for some, though the majority of people decided to celebrate in other creative ways. Police were heavy on the scene, but stayed out-of-the-way of the massive crowd that ironically would’ve done less damage to the city had they lost.

Several cars were tipped over and several windows were smashed to honor Philly’s winning team. Hundreds of people dyed green were seen running naked through city streets, and hundreds more were seen jumping off of buildings into huge piles of snow. EMS treated several people for alcohol poisoning and hypothermia, most of whom were treated for both. Philadelphia Fire Chief Tom Moran said:

Everybody was out on duty tonight, knowing that win or lose, it would be chaos. We knew that we would be treating alcohol and weather exposure, they usually go hand in hand. For only a drunk man sleeps in the snow.

A handful of trees were ripped from the ground due to the overwhelming weight from the numerous people who had climbed them. Graffiti and broken beer bottles line the streets, and several eye witnesses say a bald eagles nest was decorated by a group of drunken men who climbed a large tree and found it. One man was attacked by a lion after several people broke into the Philadelphia Zoo to praise the eagles and to leave them offerings, details are still sketchy. The majority of all the animals in the zoo were also let out. Police are still warning people to be cautious while walking in secluded areas as several animals, including a tiger and a gorilla, are still missing.

Several Vikings fans were attacked along with a dozen men who just had long hair, tattoos, and an earring or two. The workday and school day in Philly will be delayed by as much as 36 hours this morning. Several naked green men and women are said to still be roaming the city. Over 300 yards in the surrounding suburbs have been dyed green, along with over 700 strange snowmen in random locations adorned with beer bottles, and football paraphernalia have been constructed.