President Trump announced today that the US is gearing up to colonize the moon. The announcement came as a shock to some but was no surprise to the majority of people who think Trump is insane. Trump announced that the moon will be fully colonized by the year 2020, just in time for the 59th presidential election, but not because Trump wants to be elected to a second term. In his own words Trump said:
We’re going to the moon, only this time we’re going to reshape it and make it work for us. I know most of you think I’m pretty silly so I don’t care what you may think of what I’m about to say. I recently saw the new Star Wars movie and it reminded me of when I was a young man in the seventies and eighties, you know, when Star Wars was good. The point is, I can do just about anything now and I’ve decided I want a death star. Sure I have thingies out there flying around that can blow anything to hell but none of them as big as the moon. Its perfect, the moon is just sitting there doing nothing and spinning around the earth I think. When I realized that and remembered that I’m the president and can spend the nations money anyway I want, I put two and two together and bam! Death star. After the new year I plan on flying a few thousand good hard-working people on up there to start digging and what not. I’ve got the original blueprints that they used in the movie and I’ve been assured by my top engineers that they can get it done for as little as 2 trillion dollars. When it’s complete I plan to retire and become Darth Vader, because, why not?
Donald Trump is offering anyone with a strong back an opportunity to colonize the moon free of charge. Those chosen will receive a full body suit and helmet made of impervium and an E-11 blaster rifle.