Several eyewitness are reporting an alien invasion occurring at this moment on the west coast of the US. After hundreds of people reported seeing strange objects in the sky the 911 exchange blew up with everything from complaints of electronic devices acting strange, to hearing what is described as a low humming noise that resembles the Bee Gee’s, Stayin’ Alive. The phone’s have since been off the hook with several reports of what appear to be seven-foot tall humanoids wreaking havoc in the Los Angeles area. Residents of California are being told to seek shelter in saunas as it is believed that the alien lifeforms can not withstand the heat. This just in, the governor is asking people to please stop rushing to their local gyms and hotels in hopes of finding a steam room as it is causing a panic, it has been discovered that you can turn the heat up in your home as high as possible to deter them.
Reports of alien spacecraft over Colorado has been confirmed. authorities are asking citizens to remain calm and refrain from forming drum circles as it is believed that it drives the aliens into a blind rage. Marijuana dispensaries and grow rooms are being raided by the alien lifeforms, for your own safety you are advised to throw all cannabis and reefer related products into the streets to avoid an alien home invasion. Reports are flooding in now that the alien lifeforms are eating the marijuana which is causing them to react violently, for your own safety avoid any contact with them and turn the flash off on your phones if you are taking pictures. This just in the aliens are attacking anyone listening to modern day pop music or wearing bright colors, please silence all of your devices and dress in dark clothing, yoga pants are also to be avoided as the aliens are strangely drawn to anyone wearing them.
The best thing to do if face to face with an alien is not to panic, stare them in the eyes, and sing a lullaby. Do not look away, if done correctly the alien will do something resembling the hokey pokey and then leave you in peace, whatever you do, do not blink or sing out of tune, your life depends on it. Experts say the alien invaders will return to their mother ships when all cannabis products are consumed by them. For the sake of humanity do not attempt to hide any weed from them, they will find it!