A new fragrance by de valoir, called purple opium, is proving to be a bit more attractive than patrons bargain for. The formula for de valoir’s new fragrance is unlike any other fragrance with a similar name in that it is actually made from pure opium. Mixing opium with the alchemy of a leading perfume company has caused the product to work a bit too good. Everybody who wears the powerful scent has noticed strange behaviors from their significant others and strangers alike. One such purple opium customer, Johanna Summers, stated:
I absolutely loved purple opium, it made my boyfriend, Todd, so devoted to me, and our love life was spectacular, it would last hours. I didn’t really like how clingy he got, and how demanding he was for me to wear it, but I did like that I could tell him to do something and he would, for just a tiny sniff of my wrist. It was weird how constipated he would be after smelling my perfume, and kinda disgusting how sick he would get if he didn’t, but oh my God his eyes looked so beautiful after I’d let him sniff it. I’m glad they discontinued it because after a while Todd just started spraying it on himself to smell it, and he did that all day long until he passed it, by then he didn’t have much time for me anymore. When Todd gets out of rehab we’re going to try to patch things up. I do sometimes miss the first few months when I was wearing it and Todd was my lap-dog, but I’m happy we wont go down that road again.
Others aren’t quite as lucky to have such a docile experience, for Jill Sharp it was life or death. She explains:
I was in the mall shopping for my usual perfume when a saw a display for purple opium. The advertisement said, “so strong you’ll have to beat ’em with a stick,” I didn’t know they meant it when I sprayed the sample onto my neck. After I left the mall and headed towards my car I noticed this really pale looking guy, with wild eyes, and a big hood on start to follow me. He looked confused as to why he wanted me, but that didn’t stop him from running right at me and then grabbing me. He didn’t say much, but when he got a good grip of my arms he just held them down and started licking my neck. I was really afraid, especially when we fell to the ground, because I thought he wanted to sexually assault me. He didn’t though, he just kept licking my neck and saying weird things like “oh yeah” and “it’s so good.” Ironically I did find a stick to beat him with, I smacked him a few times with a branch I found on the ground until he ran off. I’m really lucky, from now on I’ll remain loyal to the perfume I’ve used for the last 20 years, even if there’s a free sampler.
A few months later, de valoir pulled purple opium from the shelves, and issued a total recall. The company didn’t do this because of the several complaints they had received, like Jill Sharp’s, they discontinued it because of one complaint coming from Congress. They were told that they were cutting in on the government’s profits when they started selling purple opium and that they had better clean up, or else.