The Ugliest Ugly Sweater

An ugly sweater party turned sideways when party goers noticed something off about one man’s sweater. Connecticut resident, Shelly Little, threw her annual Christmas party over the weekend and decided to theme it an ugly sweater party. Word got out about Shelly’s party and a local paper decided to sponsor it and give a prize to the person with the ugliest sweater, which everybody would vote on. The party was going well until a person nobody in that small Connecticut town had seen before showed up wearing the ugliest ugly sweater anybody had ever laid eyes on.

The unknown party goer was named George Simms, one of America’s most infamous criminals. When Simms showed up he stood out immediately with his blood-red sweater, witnesses say he stayed in the shadows for most of the evening but after a few drinks decided to mingle. Apparently Simms was getting a lot of attention over his sweater, Shelly Little explains:

This guy showed up and nobody really knew him, but that didn’t stop him from crashing my party and making himself right at home. I kept an eye on him from the time he walked through the door, I knew there was something up with him. He just kind of hanged back by the food and drinks for over an hour drinking and eating, after several drinks he came out on the dance floor and started talking to people. I saw that some people really liked this hideous sweater he had on so I decided to go over and talk to him. I asked him what the deal was with his sweater and he told me that he made it himself, I told him that the color of it was just creepy and that the eyes he had sewn on were in bad taste, he just laughed and walked away, God it smelled horrible too. A little later on a friend of mine, who’s an optometrist, came up to me and told me to call the police immediately. I asked him why but he was too shaken to give me an answer, so I calmed him down by bringing him in the back, and taking my sweater off. After a while he told me that the eye patches sewn on this guys sweater were absolutely real eyeballs, so I did what he said and the police showed up and got this creep.

George Simms has been living underground since 1998. He was arrested in 1989 for the suspected murder of 17 people, though authorities couldn’t tie him to the disappearances of the 1989 victims they charged him with tax evasion. After his release in 1994 authorities kept a close eye on him until he vanished in 1998. Police haven’t seen him since then, until Shelly Little’s ugly sweater party. Simms’s sweater was stained with the blood of his 3 latest victims and decorated with thinly cut pieces of their eyeballs. Police believe Simms was bored which led him to the party, they also believe getting drunk is what did him in. Simms will spend the rest of his life behind bars. Simms is now suing the local newspaper that sponsored Little’s party because he did win the ugly sweater vote, but never received his grand prize.