Third grader expelled over bubble gum prank

A third-grade public school student was expelled after violently assaulting three other students in the course of a day. Rebecca Shafter heard in passing from her seventh-grade students that a third grader got them good with bubble gum, though Shafter was confused she looked into the situation. After doing some research Shafter came to find that the third-grade student had found his dad’s old prank snapping gum and during lunch hour he pranked the seventh graders on a dare. Shafter explains,

Under the guise of friendship and a free stick of gum a very naughty younger student traumatized several of my students with a very dangers weapon. Those trick gums are spring-loaded like a mouse trap and they slam down on your finger very hard, they can even be modified with a razor blade to remove a finger. Even though most of my students told me it was just a harmless prank and they’re fine they’re obviously traumatized and like many victims too afraid to pursue their attacker. I took it upon myself to examine every one of their fingers in detail and though no psychical injuries were sustained deep mental injuries would only worsen if not resolved. After I offered a bit of incentive three of my students bravely stepped forward and together we took their attacker down. I was just doing my duty as a teacher and feminist to stop patriarchy in its tracks at a young age.

The student who performed the prank was sent home in tears and expelled for assault and possession of a deadly weapon. Third-grade teacher Erin Daniels stated,

I just can’t believe they expelled him, he was such a good student and a very sweet kid. He got me with his prank gum and it was completely harmless, it didn’t hurt at all, all it did was make me jump a bit and smile, some teachers have taken it upon themselves to end any kind of fun in school simply because they’re miserable people who want others dead inside like they are. I have two older brothers and I was pranked a lot worse when I was a kid, my God if my students pulled half the stuff these days that my brothers did when they were younger they’d probably be executed. Obviously that’s not true but it does feel very oppressive around here at times, certain teachers in this school should be reminded that boys will be boys.

After hearing Erin’s statement Shafter petitioned to have Erin fired on grounds of sexual discrimination for using the term boys will be boys. Shafter’s petition was forgotten when she was arrested and then fired after she was found guilty of inappropriately fraternizing with several of her students in an attempt to get them to come forward against the third grader. After Shafter’s termination, the third-grade student was welcome back to the school with open arms and an apology.