The Big One hits California

The vast majority of California was destroyed by a magnitude 14 earthquake early Monday morning. With the annual S.N.O.B ceremonies taking place every major celebrity, director, producer and Hollywood bigwig in attendance was killed immediately, Hilary Clinton who was sharing the limelight with Miley Cyrus at the ceremonies was also killed when the roof of Dolby Theater caved in and decapitated her. President Donald Trump addressed the nation.

With a heavy heart I’ve come to inform you that the big one hit California, nearly all of its inhabitants have perished. My opponent in the 2016 election has also lost her life in a totally gruesome way, I have posted the video of her head coming clean off to my Twitter page for your enjoyment. I want to say to her late husband Bill, hey man you’re free, come on down to the White House I’ve got plenty of really nice interns and a whole box of cigars waiting for you. The earthquake in California wasn’t a total disaster, I’ve decided to transport all of the nations convicts to what remains of California as a mass body of water separates us from the Island, and as a fan of Escape from LA I must say I’m extremely excited about this. I will also be deporting any undesirables to the island as well, I’m asking you to round-up any known leftists and hold them until further notice.

Due to the megaquake the entertainment industry has been completely destroyed and in a completely unrelated event immigration to Israel has more than quadrupled since Monday. Since president Trump’s national address many people have gone into hiding as others patrol the streets rounding people up they just don’t like, the alt-right are rounding up blacks and the alt-left are rounding up whites, its complete chaos. Bill Clinton has since moved in with Donald Trump and is having the time of his life.