The government is urging the American people to turn in their pennies. Due to a copper shortage and an immediate need for copper, The Trump administration will issue one dime for every nine pennies turned in.
A cargo ship heading for America carrying 20 tons of raw copper went down in the middle of the Pacific Ocean last night thus causing the copper panic. White House spokesman Jerry Kurtz addressed the public early this morning saying,
“It is vital to the survival of our great nation that all of its citizens take part in exchanging their pennies for dimes, as you know you will receive 1 cent more for every 9 pennies turned in so we expect most of you to participate of your own free will, however, lack of compliance will result in a $1,000 fine and immediate removal of all copper wiring, plumping, and fixtures from your home which in time we may request from all citizens anyway unless one can donate $1,728,000 to our remove copper from housing program. We know that pennies minted after 1982 are only made of about 2% copper so we’re also asking individuals and families with more than one automobile to donate all but one of them, again failure to do so will result in seizure of all automobiles and a $1000 fine, of course like our remove copper from housing program a citizen who can donate $1,728,00 to our lets take their cars program will be exempt from any mandatory auto donation.”
Jerry Kurtz also gave a clue as to why the government needed copper so quickly when he said,
“I don’t want to freak anybody out but we may be on the brink of WWIII and as agreed by world leaders, we won’t really be using nuclear weapons, except for that crazy bastard in North Korea, but that’s not the point. The point is a major land war may or may not be on the horizon so we just want to make tons of ammunition just to be sure. Oh yeah, we may also reinstate the draft so ,yeah, get ready.”