Doctor Rydell’s new multi-nutritional supplement, 3square, will hit the shelves tomorrow and is sure to turn some heads. What is 3square you may ask, well, according to Dr. Rydell, “3square will prove to be the innovation of the 21st century. My invention which took years to develop has finally been approved by the FDA and will put an end to hunger worldwide, of course, it will only be available within the U.S., Canada, and parts of Europe for now. 3square is a once-daily pill that provides 100% of your daily nutritional needs, you will never have to eat or drink anything ever again and you will neither feel full nor hungry.”
3square truly does sound like a marvelous invention, but why will it only be available to those who can already afford to eat well and not distributed amongst the worlds neediest people? In the words of Dr. Rydell, “I just had to say that 3square would end world hunger to get approval and funding from U.S. citizens, honestly it really could put an end to starvation but the government would never go for that and to be honest I invented because I hate using the restroom. Now I never have to go to the bathroom, it’s great, I even started giving it to my dog so I wouldn’t have to clean up his mess anymore. A lot of celebrities and politicians have been using my product for years which may be why they act like their crap doesn’t stink, because it doesn’t as it does not exist. Apart from never having to use the restroom again you’ll never have to eat again or even drink which I still can’t believe myself, I don’t even own a refrigerator anymore, of course, the option to eat and drink is still there but due to the side effects from 3square doing so may cause your stomach to explode, so eat at your own risk once you start my 3square regiment.”
That really is fascinating but what about those of us who enjoy a good meal? Dr. Rydell said “I recommend doing what supermodels have done for years, just chew up that Thanksgiving dinner and spit it out, you’ll get the best of both worlds.” Dr. Rydell also added, “my 3square nutritional regiment will also have a wonderful political effect, since no one will be using the toilet anymore everybody will stop fighting over gender and bathrooms.” Dr. Rydell is either a genius or insane, after conducting this interview with him I’m leaning towards the latter.