A news anchor for GNN horribly stumbled over his words this evening, some people are saying that the well known and respected anchor Brad Wilson is a robot who malfunctioned on live television. Others say that Wilson suffers from turrets syndrome and had an extreme episode on the air.
The news program started off relatively normal with your everyday run of the mill introduction when Wilson said,
“I’m your host Brad Wilson and this is top news now at five.”
Things got a bit strange when Wilson started on his first story.
“President Trump is making headlines again, of course he is that megalomaniac feeds on your hate, hurum excuse me, as I was saying President Trump crazy crazy bastard! Pardon me, let’s move on, Hilary Clinton visited Haiti last week, slave trading psychopath probably checking her cargo! Oh dear, my apologies I don’t know what came over, anyway Hilary Clinton crooked witch! Excuse me, I need to drink some water let’s cut to commercial.”
After a commercial break Wilson was back on the air and he seemed okay, he resumed broadcast and said,
“I’m Brad Wilson and I’m back with your nightly news, I’m told I have to apologize for my sudden rants, I temporarily lost control of my basic functions.”
After his apology things became even more strange, Wilson slouched down in his seat and stared at the camera with a confused look for about 45 seconds, he then resumed speaking,
“oh my God is it hot in here, I feel like I’m melting into the floor, seriously Diane get over here and pry my feet loose, and while you’re at it bring me some Kool-Aid, hey can we get that Kool-Aid guy to crash through the wall on our show that’d be great.”
Wilson was reminded he was on the air and it was then that he spoke his final words on television.
“What are you still doing here, yeah you, all you people sitting at home watching this bull crap, don’t you realize it’s all a scam, everything we tell you is either an outright lie or just some small little incident we magnify to strike fear into your hearts to control and divide you, we all do it every single news anchor you see on TV and every journalist whos articles you read in the paper, it’s our job for God’s sake they tell us straight up to push fear, and hate, and carnage. Turn off your damn TV and go talk to your neighbors, read a book or something, better yet smash your TV and tell your local journalists to burn in hell, it’s all a racket, journalism is dead we’re all bought and sold, the only hope left are the independent ones and God knows when they’ll sell out, it’s only a matter of time. It’s all about money fear and control, but I doubt you’ll believe me which is a shame, so to hell with you I’m outa here, I’m moving to Morocco to take up the sitar.”
It was later discovered that Brad Wilson had ingested one-quarter ounce of psilocybin also know as magic mushrooms, some of the side effects include telling the absolute truth.