Today in an interview with Colonel Petey of the Earth Protection Agency over a very volatile situation developing in the cosmos. According to the Colonel “Earth is in very grave danger!”
He says as he explained the situation: “Dropping a radioactive satellite on the Saturnites was a very bad decision.” We have been dumping wherever, whatever, and whenever we want for a long time but apparently this is a very big deal with the Galactic Peace Federation. And according to General Zorg (the most decorated and battle harden Saturnite ever) “Earth is doomed!”. The general spoke today at the emergency GPF meeting saying the galaxy has had enough with Earth and their careless dumping. “Dropping Radioactive debris into another planet or moons atmosphere is an act of war!” Zorg cried. “They dump here!! They dump there!!! They dump everywhere!!! We must act now and dump on them!!!” Zorg screamed to a cheering audience.
It seems as though the entire galaxy has been dumped on too hard by Earth.
General Petey confirmed the dumping in our interview saying “it just got out of control!”
I asked a fellow Earthling Shaun Buzzy how he felt about the matter. “Well, I can smoke my beer and drink my cigarette all I want! And I can dump where I want too!!” Mr. Buzzy explained. The questioned angered Mr. Buzzy and he proceeded to dump on my shoes.
“Are you not scared?” I asked Buzzy as I pushed him back.
“Hellz nah! I got this beer and this messed up dog and I’m istill gonna dump! I’ll dump on them little green bastards and turn em brown!” As he feeds his dog beer.
So folks. If you haven’t kissed you kid or your wife, rubbed your dog, or called your parents to say you love them then you may want to do it now. According to Zorg, a preemptive strike will be launched tomorrow the 23rd.
NASA is attempting to mask this attack by preparing people for some end of the world calamity brought on by a rogue planet (other than Earth).