Early this morning nearly one hundred members of an elite branch of the alternative left organization “ANTIFA” ripped down a small section of The White House fence and began to rush the capital. Their motive was not clear though nearly all ANTIFA members were armed with weapons ranging from slingshots to handguns.
It is unclear how the group brought the fence down without being spotted, theories range from a Volkswagen bus hooked up to thick hemp rope pulling the fence down, to large amounts of heat virtually melting the fence to a malleable state rendering it easily bendable. The latter is thought to be more accurate due to the state of the fence and the fact that no sound was reported.
The Secret Service was taken by quite the surprise as one agent stated “they were like ninjas, we had no idea what the hell was going on, everything was peaceful while we were having our morning tea and then all of a sudden they were everywhere!, like ninjas I tell ya!”
Violence did inevitably erupt on The White House lawn, several shots were fired from both sides and several arrests were made. The number of casualties and injuries sustained by both parties in unclear at this time, however, a total of 76 members of ANTIFA have been placed under arrest, the charges are unknown. Sources indicate they are being transported to Guantanamo.
A spokesman for ANTIFA released a photo of the event stating “the media will do everything to cover this up, they don’t want the general public to know just how vulnerable the capital and its overlords truly are.” When asked what their motive for storming The White House was he laughed and said “we just wanted to make a statement and have a little fun, and who says we’re done? It’s actually quite easy to sneak into a building and hide out when the barbarians are tearing up the bushes.”
The White House has simultaneously denied the incident took place and boasted about the size of the crowd. Trump said:
It’s fake news! It’s always fake news. I know some Anitas and some are good people, they love me. Did you see the crowd of Anitas out to meet me? They love me except those who don’t. But they weren’t here and we don’t have a comment on this. I left on the helicopter because it’s hard to be President. I have a lot of respect for Anita and together we’ll make America great again.