Selfie Fail; Journalist Falls Over The Edge of Earth And Proves It’s Flat

Edge, Earth (SC) – A Russian journalist named Immanuil Fellovofage paid the ultimate price Friday when he made the bold move to travel to Antarctica alone to get a selfie at the edge of the Earth. Proving once and for all that the Earth really is flat.

The epic 30 second video can be found at the end of the story of Immanuil.

Wild speculation has been tossed around social media sites aplenty, and when Immanuil read these accusations, like most, he had his doubts at first. “How then did great Sputnik get into orbit?” He asked… “Why we have equator with longitude, and latitude coordinates?” These are very valid questions, and Immanuil was determined to conclude them. So he did what anyone without any money would do, he started a go fund me to ask the internet to help prove him wrong. The internet always provides.

The theories about what shape the Earth actually is, have been debated over for millennia. From Aristotle claiming that our moon reflects light from the sun, to the expeditions and tales of every sea-goer known to date. Even the National Aeronautics And Space Administration of the USA have been taken under close scrutiny by fierce internet scholars. Their claims as broad as; “We do not live on a globe, open your eyes… We live on the back of a giant tortoise (A flat one) traveling through space.” To; an anonymous source providing some sketchy YouTube video intel on how, flat earth theory is false, the CIA created it as a psyop to distract and dumb down the masses.

Here’s an image of the Giant Tortoise:

And here’s another image rendered creating an Earth not really flat, yet not really round or even fruit shaped… It’s more, phallic.

Immanuil found these images completely disturbing. He set out on a path to the Antarctic with his socialist money, alone. So, much of how he got to his coordinates remains a mystery that can only be unraveled by him. But when someone else stumbled on the scene without a cell phone, naturally they pocket Immanuil’s cell as their own belonging until, well… Anyway, this particular cell phone found had the footage of a lifetime saved in it’s memory bank. It was the footage of Immanuil, and his last fateful seconds on the Earth.

I want to warn you. The video below is pretty graphic, and not for the faint of heart. Here is the last 30 seconds of Immanuil Fellovofage’s life. He, all in one motion, dies… But also he sacrifices his life, to become the next great philosopher, astronomer, and adventurer of the modern age. In a move that rivals geniuses of aeons past… Here is the 30 second video of Immanuil proving once and for all… The Earth is actually flat.

This tragedy was brought to you by James Job.

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