NSA leaks 12.8 Billion Nude Images of Americans

A leak at the National Security Agency has released 12.8 billion intimate photos. The contents of the leak were gathered from the NSA’s program surveilling American citizens to protect their freedom. The photos were gathered as part of a program to identify people by tattoos and scars and therefore the Agency needed to keep and store photos of Americans in the nude.

A spokesman for the National Security Agency said in a press conference:

“We are thoroughly embarrassed by this incident. We normally do such a good job of protecting against leaks.”

The spokesman also commented on the unorthodox sorting system:

“The categorizations were project names. The Agency denies the categories such as hot moms, butterfaces, or hijab hotties have anything to do with the looks of the suspect… ummm.. citizen. The National Security Agency is a professional organization with professional employees. They were coded in this manner for the safety of Americans. If you don’t believe that the terrorists will win.”

The NSA has also informed the American people through their spokesperson that although the photos are now available on the web, anyone caught downloading the images would be arrested because they contain images of persons under 18 years of age. The NSA is currently trying to delete the images from the web, but Russian hackers are interfering with the effort and are rapidly collecting all of the images.

ISIS has issued a statement indicating that they will distribute the images to their fighters in hopes of boosting morale.