The credit and debit card which the majority of us have come to depend on for our financial transactions, will soon be a thing of the past. As of this morning the production of any new credit card has come to an end. This means if you lose or damage your card it will not be replaced, you will have to accept the new form of currency exchange being offered by all major banking institutions, and subsequently any minor one. There was no legislation passed and there is nothing the government will be able to do, the decision to switch over to a more ‘modern’ payment system was decided by the heads of the Federal Reserve in a closed meeting last Wednesday. Spokesman for money, Harvey Rothschild, had this to say:
We are delighted to bring you a wonderful new payment option. The Shaklaf Chip is the option which we have made available to the public today. To receive your chip simply visit your personal bank and ask for the implant, after that you’ll be able to pay for the junk you get on the fly. Though the chip is optional we saw to it to start fining companies for accepting credit cards, for your convenience. Also for you convenience the Shaklaf Chip will track your whereabouts and listen to your conversations so it will automatically upload coupons on what it knows you desire most. The consumer is our greatest asset so the upgrade to the chip will only cost you twelve monthly payments of around ninety dollars, for installation and maintenance. Unlike the antiquated credit card the Shaklaf Chip is completely hacker proof, it can only be controlled by the holder and by us, so you have nothing to fear, really. I am required by law to tell you… who am I kidding, I am the law. Have a nice day.
By this summer no one will be accepting credit cards, so run to your bank today and get your chip, before they hold you down and give you one anyway.