New Device brings about Mind Control

With the release of Apple’s new iPhone 8 some fancy apps and incredible gadgets have come right along with it. The most mind-blowing of them all is the beta version of the iTeleConex. Creator Hattori Miyagi explains,

“the shinkei terepashī konekuta or iTeleConex, as Apple has chosen to call it, is truly a marvelous device. With a simple EEG chip, a state of the art fMRI and MEG device combined we have taken mind powered technology to the next level.”

There are a lot of so-called mind-reading devices for sale these days, but Miyagi’s device takes the world of mind-reading appliances to the next level, Miyagi explains,

“unlike most of the mind powered products on the market today, mine is not just for entertainment, simply put it is not a gimmick, it’s the real deal. The shinkei terepashī konekuta is a bit pricy but that is partly due to its state of the art technology and the medical procedure one must undergo to implant the system in and around your skull and hands, but I’m sure that will be of little concern to the true 21st century person.”

The iTeleConex truly is one of a kind and its features cannot be matched explains Miyagi,

“with my invention fully installed and working properly the features are virtually limitless and very powerful, so powerful in fact that my invention has been outlawed in several countries. With my wonderful little toy you can control anything that is hooked up to your network or a network that you can access, with your mind, you can turn your lights on from across the world or send an email while eating lunch. There will be need for anymore keyboards as with the shinkei terepashī konekuta all you have to do is think it and the words appear like magic on your phone, tablet or computer. You can send a text while in the shower, or write a novel in your sleep. As I said the features are virtually limitless.”

Hattori Miyagi’s device is banned in certain countries for a reason, hackers can use the device to break into high-level security systems much easier which has put some governments on edge, but what’s worse, for the user at least, is that after installing the device into your skull you can be hacked. Miyagi has some thoughts on that,

“it’s no more easy to hack into the iTeleConex than it is to hack into an email account for example, all the user has to do is pick a strong password and try not to let others know it. I do have to warn you though that if by some rare chance the system you’ve installed is hacked the hacker will have full control over your body, your speech, everything. So, as a precaution each system comes with ten injectable sedatives which are also implanted into the skull, if the system is hacked you will be injected and knocked out, after that your only hope is that someone will understand what’s going on and try to help you by rushing you to a technology surgeon, and don’t worry they’re not as rare as they sound, but like I said just pick a good password and you should be fine, besides this technology is too awesome to pass up.”