Trump’s Parade

The largest military parade in United States history has been scheduled for July Fourth of this year, all made possible by Donald Trump. The parade will take place in New York City, and Trump is asking that all loyal members of the military take part. Handpicked agents of Trump’s Secret Service will be strategically placed around the city, armed with Barrett M107 .50 caliber sniper rifles, to ensure that the parade runs smoothly. Military land combat and transportation vehicles, along with select aircraft, will also be involved; war ships and aircraft carriers will be present in the bay for added effect. Trump had this to say:

This parade is going to be glorious, the biggest one ever in the history of ever. I’m telling you that you don’t want to miss this, and I’m asking that all of my supporters who show up wear a red shirt and hat, so that we know who you are. To further get into the spirit of things, I‘d also like my supporters to wear body armor. This parade will be very different from any that you’ve ever seen, in my parade you’ll see soldiers carrying a plethora of weapons. And you’re going to hear a fireworks show near the end that simulates warfare, it’s for you enjoyment, so don’t be alarmed. I personally will not be attending, but I will show up afterwards, or I may catch a flight to Venezuela depending on how things go. I’m happy to say that the parade will be held in New York City, a place that I know strategically well. I know that Washington DC is the capital, but I’ve always thought that The Big Apple should be, after all that’s where our nations gold reserve is, the real fuel lighting the fire. You people who think that I’m running things are dead wrong, just imagine if I controlled the Federal Reserve, you’d all be fired.

All inactive duty status military personnel, reserves, and National Guardsmen are instructed to report to their respective barracks as soon as possible.