Satanic Cult Caught by Caterer

66 Satanists in LA California were arrested today when the caterer they had hired discovered there was something wrong with the meat. The ‘Neo Left Hand Path’ organization decided that they would hire out one of LA’s finest caterers to provide them with an elegant meal while they gave homage to their dark lord and savior during their annual pledge drive. Pierre Bernard of merde délicieuse catering found it a bit strange that the NLHP provided him with 50 pounds of raw meat to use when preparing the meals. According to Bernard he was offended that they would not let him oversee the catering to his professional liking but agreed to use the meat that was provided to him granted the NLHP pay him three times his usual fee.

While preparing the main dish to be served Bernard noticed something a bit strange, “as I attempted to chiffonade the plat I noticed a bone in the disgusting moi à I was provided. At first, I was just pissed off so I threw the bone into the garbage but as I continued I discovered another bone, this time I was outraged so I tried to snap the bone which I know is silly but still I tried. After spending several minutes trying to snap the bone in half I began to relax a little bit so I looked at the bone and as I was telling it off I noticed it looked like a damn finger, I couldn’t believe it, I called the police and they came quickly and discovered 9 more damn bones and 11 teeth in the rancid moi à, all of which were human.”

Police then raided the homes of the 66 members of the NLHP and though they discovered no human remains they did uncover a massive methamphetamine smuggling ring which was enough to send all 66 members to prison for years. It was discovered the meat was purchased from an outside source who claimed it was human. Police discovered that the seller put finger bones and human teeth he had gotten from his cousin who worked at a morgue into the beef to further convince the NLHP it was authentic since he sold it for $500,000, he never thought they would hire someone to prepare it for them.

The 66 decided that they would not let Satan down even while behind bars so they all ate pieces of their own legs on the day their pledge drive was to take place. Since then they have all been moved to an asylum for the criminally insane.