A CIA contracted prostitute in North Korea has gained the trust of Kim Jong-un. Apparently, the leader does a lot of pillow talk. The prostitute, who uses the name Dorothy, reportedly spent many nights with Kim and has collected vast amounts of information including audio and video. “The sex tapes will not be released!” said Dorothy in an interview at her grandmother’s secluded ranch last week. “In the audio Kim explains how he uses an ionosphere weather manipulation technique that was learned through ancient alien technology. I would have never believed it until we flew over a facility that had antennas arranged and tied together with thick wire in a very large square. Kim told me that this was his secret weapon and he ‘would sink the United States.’ ”
Dorthy says she was more scared than she had ever been while with the dictator. She added that Kim told her tthe nukes were just to distract “The funny haired guy.” It seems his tactic has worked. Two major hurricanes have wrecked the U.S. and its island territories, and more are coming.
“Kim has perfected the weather machine!” Explained Dorthy. It seems that way. Jose is ready to pound the islands and ride the east coast. Maria is following and expected to hit Puerto Rico head-on. The southern United States is in a mess. Resources are tied up or running out. Billions of dollars in at least two separate states will be needed. Kim has really got over on us I fear. Will he “sink the U.S.?”
The United States Navy has been sent to Antarctica to secure a 7-mile iceberg, and bring it to the heated waters in hopes of stopping Kim’s heating of the air temperatures, according to an AWOL, Navy dolphin in Norfolk Naval base. The dolphin reported he saw the ships leave a day ago.
“If those ships do not retrieve the ice burg fast enough then the Carolinas, Virginia, all the way to New Hampshire will be under the sea” said the dolphin.
Will many U.S. people be swimming with the fishes soon? Has Kim been causing these disasters? Will the American Navy be able to cool the waters in time? Will Dorothy help defeat this amazing wizard of the weather? Will the Dolphin be captured and forced back into service?
I dont know, but Im gonna buy a rubber ducky and a snorkel. Just in case.